Book One - The Potter and the Clay: 1

Chapter One

The Potter and the Clay

            This story is to only show how the Lord has worked and still working in my life. I was born on November 2, 1941. I lived in my Grandparent Nelson’s house. They lived in one half of the house and my parents in the other half..

            When I had not walked by age of two, my parents took me to the doctor. Then I was sent to a hospital in Binghamton. It was there that the specialist diagnosed my condition as cerebral  palsy. The effects were speech and muscular coordination.

            I had cross bars between my feet at night and I was carried during the day until I was seven. Physical therapy paid off eventually and I managed to walk with the aid of orthopedic shoes. I thought at the time that they were the most ugliest shoes. Believe it or not! I’ve gone back to tied shoes for support.

            I didn’t have the balance or ability I needed to do things like skiing, skating or riding a two wheel bike. I didn’t need them. I was teased about my height. That was minor considering I was able to get around and am walking. I believe that was a miracle done only by the will of God.

            When I started school at age of 8, I had a teacher who thought I should go to a state institution. She didn’t think I could learn to do anything. My parents kept me home and in our school. They gave me the support and guidance with love through my growing up years.

            I remember when four of us were really young, she would spend time reading us Bible stories, asking us questions afterwards and teaching us to learn books of the Bible, in many other areas.

            We grew up going to church for each service, Sunday School and VB S. We would have special speakers and missionaries in our home.

            I was slow in learning in our school. but because of my age, I was moved up to each grade each year. I had the same teacher in sixth grade that I had in kindergarten. I had her for 3 years.

            Our many needs were met. We didn’t have allowances but were given money for special occasions.

            When I was 10 years old, I joined the 4-H CLUB. We learned to do things, had different outings. I was a president once and another time a news reporter.

            When I was 15 years old, we were at church one night. When the evangelist was done, I was asked if I was ready when the Lord comes. I said no. So I was led by the Evangelist’s wife. I accepted Jesus. I was slow in learning what I should be. I’m still growing in that aspect.

            Spelling and English came easy to me. I was the spelling champion in our class so was sent to another contest. I didn’t win that one. I was given a certificate when school ended that year.

            I also was moved to the seventh grade. The seventh and eighth grade gave me 2 best years of my school life. When it came time to plan for the next 4 years, I was told to meet with the guidance counselor. He told me I had trouble with math. I was thinking-where have you been?                                                                     

            I was to go to a special class for Junior High. I went but I really didn’t get help in math. It really wasn’t a classroom like I expected. The kids wanted recess and had it twice every day. I felt like saying-grow up! I stayed in most of the time to do some kind of school work.

            Then this teacher I had in sixth grade was there as a Grade School Superintendent. She came over and had our class come to an elementary doing. I felt like ringing her neck.

            One day I told the teacher I wanted to get somewhere in my life, to accomplish something. Later on he asked me if I’d like Nurse’s AID TRAINING. I didn’t know then what I know about that now.

            I went for the interview, got myself all excited about it, didn’t go back to the class, expecting to get into the Nurse’s AID PROGRAM. I didn’t get in though. I received a letter with a suggestion to get another job.

            I wasn’t expecting that answer and was deeply disappointed. I was home for awhile, driving myself nuts, probably Mom and Dad too. I hate to say but bitterness and envy crept in.

            I went to do 2 lady sitting jobs but have to say I was homesick and I still wanted to go back to my own school. While I was still in South Otselic, I met this family.

            After I was home for awhile, I had an invitation to come and spend some time with this family. I eventually worked for them. Away went the homesickness and idea of school.

            After this lady had her surgery, she told me she needed to get back to her work. So I went home . But after New YEAR’S, I got a call to work for another lady in the same area. I was there until May

            A month later, I answered an ad from Oxford. I worked for her for 2 months then was told she needed someone who could handle her boys.

            In September I was asked if I would work for a sister of a lady I worked for earlier. This lady was moving to Syracuse with 2 kids.

            I went home in October. That was the end of my night classes. She helped me get into it in regard to my G.E D.

            In December towards Christmas time, I got a call from this lady in Oxford. She and her family were moving to Norwich. I took the job. Why? I don’t know. I soon learned that wasn’t the job for me. There were many times I couldn’t please her. I tried but it did no good. I finally had a break.

            My sister Dottie was graduating from Nurse’s Training. I went home for that and never went back. That was especially after I told Mom about an ash tray being thrown at me.

            I was home until September. This ad was from a handicapped lady in a wheel chair. Guess What! That worked! I learned a lot from her. One thing she told me stuck with me. It isn’t how important job is that matters, but how well you do it and with a good attitude behind it.

            Another thing was important. To accept things you can not change, courage to change things you can and wisdom to know the difference.

          She had battles in her life too. The set up for me to work for her and be her legs was this. If her mother went to a nursing home or passed away, then she couldn’t pay me.

            She and I had some good talks. I watched her doing things, taking care of her mother. She also was a Christian.

            Now I am satisfied with work I have done. I didn’t care anymore for high fluting careers / jobs. They wouldn’t be for me. Her mother did go to a nursing home in January of ’66. Her brother and sister wanted me to stay until spring. They paid me. I stayed until April.

            I came home but 2 weeks later, I had another job lined up for me. Because of few experiences I had, I would have butterflies in my stomach As I went to each job. No fear though!

            This lady needed someone to stay with her mother while she worked in the barn. She was good to work for also. One night Her mother had to go to the hospital. She had to have surgery. She didn’t get back home, so home I went.

            In June, a week before my sister Barb graduated from School, I had another job. This was in Whitney Point. She only needed someone at night. She spoiled me. When I was to go home at anytime, she would get someone  to stay with her at nights.

            I didn’t have to, but I did some work for her in the mornings. In the afternoons, I’d visit, read or paint. I went to the library often. I got acquainted with some people. I was there until November of ’67. She had to have surgery for veins in her legs. She didn’t make it thru surgery.

            In the meantime I heard about this shop in Cortland. It was for handicaps in degrees.  I also was told I could stay with this lady I worked for before. So I checked it out. I finally got hired towards end of June.

            I learned a lot of jobs. Some were challenging. In May of 1979, I got a chance to work in the Print Shop. I was to be the camera girl. I was to take an ad, card, whatever into the darkroom, take a shot, develop it in developer, hang it to dry. My boss was testy. I never  knew which way he would be thru the day.

            In Jan of 1980, I was beginning to have problems. My doctor took me off the pill that was regulating my periods because of my age. I was 39 then, In June I had to come back as follow up. I’d been to the Emergency Room Few days before then because I cut myself on the spam can.

            I told my doctor I hadn’t had any periods since January. He told me if  I hadn’t done anything by October or November to come back. I did come back but he was off. So I had a woman doctor. All I had to tell her was I hadn’t any periods since January.

            She said she was sending me to a oncologist and was making the appointment for me. I went to see him. He did a pap test, gave me some pills [which didn’t work] sent me for blood test then a cat scan. Not satisfied with either reading, he sent me to Crouse Irving to a Neurosurgeon in Syracuse.

            That doctor told me I had a pituitary tumor. I need to have it done or I could go blind. I was willing to go that day. I was to come in through after new years. I went in on New Year. I had the angiogram done the next day. That was Friday. Saturday I had the cat scan. That was when I was told I had the tumor between the two optic nerves. I had the surgery Monday Morning.    

            I didn’t zap out too good the night before. I was sitting up writing a thank you note for flowers I got. The nurse came in and gave me a shot to sleep. I learned the tumor was benign. I went back for visits with the doctor, had cat scans, had MRI for 2 or 3 times.

            In the meantime, my boss kept prodding me to take a job outside. I decided to do that one day. I surprised him when I gave him the news. A World Of Work GROUP was going on in the shop. I got in on it and learned how to go about a job.

            Eventually this boss got a little harder to work for. This lady who was in charge of this group felt better when I was able to get the job in the store. That was a step for those who considered stepping out.

            While working in the store, I learned to adjust to change in schedules. This lady and I agreed to go for the hospital in regard to transportation. In late October, she picked

me up for work. She was on her way to give my work record to the Director of food service. That was on Friday. Later in the day I got a call for an interview. That was to be on Monday morning.

            He was very good. I felt comfortable talking to him. Two days later I was hired. I had to do few things before I started like an examination, signing few papers. The next Monday was the day I was to start at 4 PM.

            Sometimes I have this inner conflict. I had to learn to accept myself and not let that conflict get in the way of what I want to do or need to do. I learned that Lord closes some doors and opened others. He has also opened the door for me to move in apartment building. I believe for me, that’s where He wants me to be. My rent is based on my income and there’s good security also

            He also worked things out for me to retire. When I decided to do so, the age to retire in ’96 was 55 but I was turning 56. I took it then as pushing carts and lifting heavy things was hard on my back and legs. I was there for 15 years. I did volunteer work which I was able to do. I learned a lot doing that and gained lot of friends.

Book One - The Potter and the Clay # 1: More opportunities
INDEX to Jeanette's World

Book One - The Potter and the Clay: 2

CHAPTER  2

MORE OPPORTUNITIES

            I only mention names in this whole story from whom I got permission. Much has happened since the first chapter. I also have learned much more and still am learning. When I first started at the hospital in the kitchen, I was in the dish room very often. Sometimes I’d be on the lunch line putting milks and juices on the trays. There are 8 different diets. I had to watch for which diet to put what milks and juices on the trays.

            A few times I was trained on specials and cold foods. Those two jobs consist of nourishments, entrees, ensures. I tried it and discovered [and I believe the staff knew] doing those two jobs weren’t for me  I knew they had certain time to get trays out and delivered. I didn’t think it was fair to hold them up. Maybe someone else but it wasn’t going to me .

            I used to think doing those jobs would be neat if I could do them. They would keep me out of the dish room. But I changed my mind. I discovered working in the dish room was better and less frustrating and stressful. I felt more comfortable and sure of myself and what I was to do.

            However, since then I’ve  been  passing and collecting trays. Those jobs may not be glorified nor glamorous but that’s not important to me. But doing a good job well with a good attitude behind it is. It paid off too as I always had a good evaluation every year.

            I feel that my responsibility was to be on time and dependable. I passed a wrong tray twice. I felt if I did it again, I’d be out the door. So I felt I better leave before then. But my boss heard about it and had a talk with me. He told me to take 6 minutes instead of 3 to check each tray with each bed. He didn’t want me to leave.

            I was still afraid of making the same mistake again for awhile. But then I asked the Lord for help. I should’ve done that before. Maybe I could’ve avoided that. It got better as time went on

            I remember one night at work. I was thru collecting trays and doing garbage. I took the dumpster down to the basement. There wasn’t one to be brought up though. I told my boss. He sent me down again but no dumpster in sight. So I told him again. That time he was little irritated. [He was helping in the dish room]. I wasn’t very happy but said nothing.

            Shortly after I got home and was about to take a shower [thankfully I had my robe on]. My boss buzzed me then came to my apartment. He came over to apologize to me. Evidently he went to the basement and found no dumpster there either.

            I have learned in the past that you don’t make a commitment unless you’re sure you’ll follow thru with it. I have rejoined up here at this church. I haven’t been able to get to my home church because of work. So I renewed my membership here.

            I ask myself –Now What? Then one Sunday morning, I happened to think of this brother and sister in a handicap class.  When their teacher wasn’t there, they had to go to a class out of their league.

            I asked the Superintendent of Sunday School about it. The teacher wasn’t there that day so I taught. I would either teach or help the teacher. I enjoyed it. I was even getting feed back

            I became friends with this lady in the Volunteer office. I met her one night. She brought down the board as she did every night to prepare it for the next day to  leave in the lobby. We started talking.

            Then one night when I was collecting trays, I went in her father’s room to get his tray. This friend introduced me to her parents. Her mother and I became good friends. We were together a lot when I wasn’t working. There were no arguments or disagreements for six years. Can you imagine that? Then she was sick for a long time. She couldn’t be alone either. Within a few months she passed away.

            In 1990 the new Pastor and I was talking. He asked if I ever considered getting my G.E.D. The more he talked, more I got interested. He suggested that I talk to the Administer of our Academy who is Pastor Miller. I did just that and he had me call BOCEES.

            I called the man I knew at the Murray Center where I had worked. He not only was pleased, but gave the name of a woman and number to call. I did that before I went to  work. She told me I needed be pre-tested. That was okay with me.

            After I was pre-tested, I was told when and where to go. I was on my way back to school. Yes! I was to start the 8^th of July. My class was downtown in some church. I’d go Monday – Wednesday from 8:30 to 11:00

            I can remember the first morning. I got up at 6:00 to get ready then walked downtown. I got there but the door was locked. I said: “What! He must not be here yet.” Then two girls came along and waited with me. They said something about having fun. I was thinking: “I don’t know about you but I’m going to work for My G.E.D.”

            The teacher finally came in and I followed him in. He had to get his coffee. I was anxious to get into those books. He gave me a math book after He ran the multiplication tables over with me. Finally! I could get to work on my math.

            I never saw so many formulas with math.  Eventually I got introduced to geometry, algebra, ratio proportions, and percents. Percents really was frustrating. All of that was going to be on the big G.E.D. test. He was urging me to take that test in January. He worked with me to get ready for it. I went for the test. We went Friday night and Saturday morning. I lacked 7 points of passing it because of my math. So I worked some more. I even took my stuff and went to the library. I didn’t want any phone calls or visits when I was concentrating on my math. I took the test again in May. I didn’t make it then either but was determined to keep going until I got that diploma.

            In the meantime, after showing my scores to my Pastor, He recommended one of our math teachers in our academy to be my tutor. I took him up on the suggestion and got a tutor. She was a great help. A week or two later. My teacher in class was testing us on math.

            With what I learned with my tutor, I got my math level up higher. I went for the third G.E.D. tests. I didn’t make that one either. I was able to get into the External Diploma Program because of my 8^th grade level of math, reading levels. I also passed the writing composition of 150 words on why I wanted that diploma.

            It was to be one on one, once a week. I had to be present and on time. If not for 3 times, I was out and on the waiting list. My work schedule and cab both almost messed it up for me. I called my teacher each time.

            I only had 4 math problems. Sixty more tasks was to get  a thing to show for a concert  I went to and etc. I started it in December OF ’91, finished it in March, received my diploma in April. I aimed to go thru the graduation after going thru all that.

            That night was emotional night for me. I had to work to keep my emotions under control. I mean! This was 30 years later. I finally got to graduate. I even received an award for overcoming obstacles to get my diploma. I was finally fulfilling my desire. I thank God for making it possible for me all in his own good time.

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Book One - The Potter and the Clay: 3

CHAPTER  3

FURTHER  AMBITIONS

            Now that I had my diploma, I asked myself- What do I do now? Then I thought about going into Nurse’s Aid Training. I figured nothing would stop me now that I have my diploma. Wrong! First of all, I forgot to ask the Lord.

            I believe He was using my family and friends to steer me in another direction. I wasn’t heeding too well at first. Then one morning I got done early at work and was walking home. My legs were bothering me. I asked myself - how I would do on my feet  for 8 hours. End of discussion. I thought no more about it.

            My sister Dottie who is a Registered Nurse suggested I try volunteer work. At first I didn’t like the idea. But the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. I talked with this friend in the volunteer office. She had become the Director then.

            I had to get a doctor’s statement. He not only was pleased but approved it too. I had to wait for an opening which finally came. I was to deliver flowers to patients. One day I both did that and worked. I didn’t have to work until 4:00 though. I was on my feet all day except for lunch break. That happened to be on Valentines Day. I never saw so many flowers.

            I also decided to do some research. No better place to go than to the library, take books out or read them there. I did history, especially where my Grandparents came from other countries. I was thinking – Wow! I can get more education with no expense on books, etc, nor tests which I might’ve not passed. I got so excited that I could find what I was looking for in the card index then find the book. I zeroed in other things and enjoyed every minute doing so.

            One afternoon when I came home from volunteering, I went down to Mom and Dad’s as usual. She gave me the idea of retiring. The more I thought of  it, the more I liked it. I was at the right age when you could retire. .

            I went in the next morning to Human Resources. I was told that since I started on my birthday, I had to retire on my birthday to get my retirement pensions. I then wrote my resignation and when I would work until that day. My brother Jerry went with me to see this lady in October about my retirement pensions. I told my friend in the Volunteer Office I plan to take two week vacation. Then I’d come back and volunteer. My last day was on my birthday.

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Book One - The Potter and the Clay: 4

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GOALS CAME TRUE

My first goal was to have perfect attendance at work, at the shop where I worked and at the hospital. After several attempts at the hospital in the kitchen, I finally did it. That was for one year. I still have the plaque that was given to me.

My second goal was to get my G.E.D. It was like a dream. I probably shouldn’t say that, but it was one of my up-most desires. I thank God for making that possible. I could not have done it without His help. I have my diploma and my picture on the wall. I worked long and hard to get that diploma.

My third goal was to go the next step. I believe the Lord wanted me in the area of volunteering. After I came back from my vacation, I delivered mail to patients upstairs in the Nursing home.

One day a lady met me in doorway of her Room. She asked if I had mail for her and I had to say “no.” I made up my mind to see that she and others did get mail. 

Next time I saw her, she was thrilled when I gave her a card and that I made it. I decided to do it from then on. That’s how I got started with my card ministry. This is something I can do. It’s so appreciated and I enjoy doing them. 

My main goal is to do what I can, perhaps bring some cheer to someone. I also try to be what I should be. I sometimes fail but then ask the Lord to get me back on the right track. I try to be a sister and daughter as well as a friend as I can be. Sometimes I wonder how I do in all these areas.

INDEX to JEANETTE'S WORLD

Book One - The Potter and the Clay: 5

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CHALLENGES

When I stop to think, I had challenges most of my life. Sometimes I was successful and other times I could’ve done better.

My first challenge was homesickness. At my third job, I managed to accomplish this when I was working for this one lady. Therefore I could move on with my life.

My second challenge was at  the Murray Center and the hospital with the employees and work.

My third challenge was when I joined the Toastmaster’s Group. A friend told me it would help improve my speech. I was in it until my work schedule changed and it got costly. I learned some things though.

My youngest brother gave me an art kit for Christmas one year. He had my name. I did more drawing. I was urged to go to a art class.

I checked it out. It was in the County Office Building on Thursday Mornings from 9-11. It only cost $2 as I would be bringing my own supplies. I went on Thursday Mornings for my flavored coffee and something to eat. Then I went to Mullen’s to check out anything for new art supplies and then headed for my art class.

I thought I had to draw from scratch. That means to draw without a picture you  look at. Not true! I could draw, paint, transfer with carbon paper. I could do anything. If I needed help, I just had to call on the instructor.

This lady was in her70’S or early 80’S. She still was a good artist. We watched her one day do a picture. I decided to give it a try and draw by hand. Some things turned out good and some didn’t. I still do periodically but when I get stuck, I fall back on stamps and stencils. They’re getting to be the popular item now.

My fourth challenge was going back to school, particularly learning percents. I have a few mastered. I studied, worked with my math before going to work, after work, after my household tasks were done. I even went to the library just so I wouldn’t be interrupted.

I was thankful that my math level got up where I could get into the External  Diploma Program. Six months later, I did graduate

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Book One - The Potter and the Clay: 6

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FIGHT TO WIN

In the late summer of 2001, I started getting cramps in the pelvic area. They would come and go. One night though, I thought I would have to go the Emergency Room, but the cramps finally left.

I told my doctor. She sent me for a pelvis test. They tried three times. I was told it wasn’t suppose to hurt. Each time they tried, it would hurt. So they quit. Maybe if I said it didn’t, maybe they could’ve done it. Report came back saying it was muscle spasms.

At Thanksgiving time my parents and I went to Jerry and Bonnie’s for dinner. I didn’t eat big portions of anything. But by the time we got home at 5:00, I sure felt over stuffed. Same thing happened at Christmas time.

Earlier, before Thanksgiving, I went to church with my neighbor. During the Sunday School hour I began to feel weak. I thought I was going to pass out. I decided it was best for me to come home so my neighbor brought me home.

I was in the shower one night when I noticed my stomach began to float. Then another night when I was waiting for something to heat up in my microwave, for my back, I noticed my arms and legs were thin but my stomach was bloated. I’m asking - what’s going on?

In mid January of 2002, I went back to my doctor’s office because my back was bothering me and I was breathing heavy after climbing stairs.

The week after that, my sister Dottie called to say she was coming to spend a few days with us while her husband was on a business trip in Pa. We met at Bob Evans Restaurant for breakfast the next morning. She took one look at me but said nothing at the time.

She came back with us and later things started rolling. After playing Skip-B0, she told me I should change doctors. It took her, Clara, Mom and Dad a long time to talk me into changing doctors. Before I went back to my apartment, I said I would. [I’m sure now that I did the right thing ].

The next morning she aimed to talk to my doctor but my doctor wouldn’t talk to her. She knew Dottie was a nurse because I told her. The P. A., who I had, often talked to Dottie. She sent us over to Convenient Care for later that day. We went at 4pm. That doctor had a laproscopic test done on me. Then he had me lay on the examining table. He examined my stomach. He told us there definitely was a mass there. That was on a Friday night. We didn’t get out of there until 7:30 that night.

Earlier that day, Dottie called over to Fisher Ave and talked to some doctor about my situation. She also got me a woman doctor. She was Indian and  a very good doctor.

The next day Dottie and I went to talk to a doctor in the Emergency Room. We had an appointment with him. We told him everything we knew. He said he wasn’t doing a sonogram but a CAT scan. I was to go the next morning at 8. That was Sunday morning.

Then an x-ray. When I got back to the Emergency Room, I was told I was going upstairs. I was being all hooked up to IV.

The doctor who ordered the CAT scan, came to tell Dottie and me that I had cancer. Another doctor came over to see me. He talked, then did a exam. He said he was sending me to Dr. Musa in Syracuse. He was making an appointment for me. He did too.

In the meantime Dottie told me she was staying for my surgery. Her husband came back and they went to my brother Bob’s in McGraw to fill the others in on the situation. Dad and I went to get Mom then went down. We had a family get together.

The next morning Dottie got a call about my appointment with Dr. Musa on Tuesday in the afternoon. Then Dad and I went to Fisher Ave so I could get my medical records transferred from Euclid Ave to Fisher Ave.

That afternoon Dottie came up to spend some time with me. She didn’t like my breathing. If she was with me at lunch time, she probably would’ve called Dr. Musa sooner. I had some trouble eating lunch. I’d eat some, had to take a deep breath, more of the same.

Needless to say, I was on my way to St. Joseph’s hospital that night at 6:00. My brother Bob was picking Dottie and me up there.

They were ready for me up there to be admitted, then I was taken to my room. Then we were talking to a woman doctor. We both,  again, told her all we knew. Then Dottie went to stay with my sister Barb in Weedsport. Then Bob went home.

The next morning at 9:00, I was taken down to see Dr. Musa. We talked, then he examined me, we talked again. He told me he was going to try to get me scheduled for the next day for surgery. I told him my legs were killing me. He said it was because the tumor was pressing on my legs.

He wanted to do a biopsy on parts he would be taking out. I said to go ahead and I signed the papers to give him permission. He then said he wanted to see my family and I told him they would be there in the afternoon.

I had Dottie call Pastor Comings and my friend in the Volunteer Office the night before. So while Dad, Dottie and Barb were with Dr. Musa, Pastor Comings and Judy were with Mom and me. Dr. Musa told Dad that if I didn’t have surgery, I could drown in my fluids. Pastor and Judy stayed with us until Dad came back then they left.

Dottie and Barb stayed until late. I had to drink a large drink that was to clean me out after I had a catheter put into me. The drink was hard to get down. I got most of it down but then  most of it all came back up. All of a sudden I felt weak and almost passed out. They sent down for the lab to come up. My sodium level went down. Dottie and Barb stayed until 10:00 before going home.

I got up twice. Luckily, they  had a commode beside my bed. The next day I was to have surgery at 2:30. But Dr. Musa had an emergency so couldn’t do it until later. I was beginning to think I was stood up. Then they came after me at 6:00.

He called in another doctor to take out my gall bladder. My appendix was also taken out and I had a complete hysterectomy. From what I heard , they finished with me at 10:00. After I responded, I was hurting. They told me to push the pain button and not be afraid to push it. It wouldn’t break. I didn’t remember anything until Friday morning.

I was to go home on the following Tues but I got sick in the morning. Another doctor had come in to see me. I told him what happened. He told me I should stay put then for another day. Later in the morning, A woman doctor who I had seen before, came in to see me. She told me that Dr. Musa was free the next day so wanted to put a port into me.

I had it done the next morning, which was Wednesday. My youngest brother came up to see me shortly after I came back to my room. He stayed for quite awhile.

I went home the next day. I was not to bend over, reach up, or lift anything. I was stapled together where they opened me up. It also was decided for me not to use the stairs so I used the elevator.

On the following Monday I went to see my new doctor for an appointment. The nurse told me they didn’t get my records yet. I said - what! You should’ve had them two weeks ago. My doctor told me she normally wouldn’t see me without them. She would though, being it wasn’t my fault that she didn’t get them. But I was to get them soon.

They got them the same day I went to see Dr. Musa which was the next morning.

My youngest brother-Phil called my former doctor before the three of us went in to see Dr. Musa. After Dr. Musa told us all that would be done, he took Barb and me down to a treatment room. [Before then, he told me I was at stage 3] to meet the chemo nurse.

She explained everything and gave me five books on cancer. To make the long story short, she told me I needn’t worry  about being sick from the chemo. [I wasn’t either]. She had given me prescription for chemo pills that I was to take night before each chemo. Then she gave me pills to take for two days after chemo day. They all worked good. I was to take Sennecott  for 5 days after chemo from chemo day until Monday.

I had my chemo the following week. Two days later, I woke up with one side of my face and neck all swelled up. It looked like I had mumps or was in a fight. I called Mom and Dad. They came up. I called my doctor but she wasn’t in.  So I called the triage at Fisher Ave. They saw me in an hour. Mom went in with me. The nurse came in and did my vital signs. Then the P.A. came in and I almost passed out.

She had me get on the examining table. After she talked with me and checked for blood sugar, Dad had come in She went to get the doctor[I have now]. He took one look at me and asked how I was. I said I wasn’t ready for a race. He said he was admitting me in the hospital through the Emergency Room. He called the ambulance for me. This was on Friday.

They discovered I had infection. I finally got to my room by 3:00 or so after blood tests and so forth. They did e-cultures on me. Monday morning the swelling had gone over to my ear and it was very painful.

At 8:00, my doctor who admitted me came in, took one look and said Oh no! He left the room and called for a CAT scan. I was on my way down in 10 minutes. When it was done, this one surgeon came over and told me my port had to come out. I had a choice of either St Joe’s or Cortland to have this done, since the surgeon here could do it.

Dad was there when my woman doctor was talking to me. He agreed with me to have it done here. Next morning before I went down.; Dad, Mom, and Barb came over

The surgeon was very good. He came  up to see me a few times and was very good about answering questions. My doctor was also very good about answering questions, keeping Dad posted, called Dottie in Michigan. They were also keeping track of my weight. When I had surgery, I went from 134 to 108 That was because of 15 liters of fluid in me.

Two weeks after I came home, I got a call from St. Joe’s. I was to go back up there for pre-test. I was to have my second port put into me the next week, then chemo the next day. I had five regular treatments. I was on my secpmd maintenance treatment in August, when I was told I was in remission. I was to finish taking the next eight treatments. They worked.

In May of the next year I was still in remission. Dr. Musa decided to take the port out in 2004. After I went off chemo, I started to lose some weight. I didn’t lose very much hair. The Lord  was very good to me and still is.

Book One - The Potter and the Clay: 7

[For earlier chapters, go to the side bar.]

WHAT'S UP, LORD?

Mom started in early stages of Alzheimer’s in 2001. She had always said she hoped to not have what her aunt had.  Her aunt was actually diagnosed with that a year earlier. When Mom was told, it hit her hard. She was put on medication for it but that made her sick. So Dad took her off it until they saw their doctor. The next medication gave her nightmares. The doctor put her on the third one.

Things were going okay for awhile. Then we couldn’t leave her alone anymore. Someone had to be with her at all times. I remember when I was in the hospital a few years back. I was I the Emergency Room and all hooked to say the least. Dad left Mom with me and went home for a bit. Mom looked like she was leaving-coming and going through the doorway. I couldn’t very well go after her if she did leave. I didn’t dare to sleep even if I felt like it. I had one eye open and on her - thinking, hurry up Dad, get back here. He did get back here. That was in 2002.

In the spring, it was arranged for her to go to the Heritage House for the day. Their bus came to get her and brought her back. She did that every week until the next spring. Then she fell in the hallway here one morning when she and Dad were walking. She broke her shoulder in two places. So she didn’t go to the Heritage House for awhile.

That first weekend after she fell was a bad one, she was restless all night and needless to say, Dad didn’t sleep at all. He called me at 6:00 the next morning and Sunday to come down. The Saturday morning. I got up, got dressed and went down. He told me to go back up and get my breakfast. I ate and came back down.

Jerry, Bonnie and Bob came around nine. At 10:00, Dad and the boys took Mom over to the Emergency Room. Bonnie and I went over at noon. Come to find out, Mom’s cumidon was too high. That had to be adjusted. The next night wasn’t much better. Dad called Bob to come and sit with Mom so he could get some sleep. Jerry, Bonnie, Barb and Lew came later.

Whenever Dad went out, I went to stay with Mom. It was suggested that Mom should go in the nursing home. Dad took care of her but got exhausted. We were afraid he would get sick.

He finally had to give in. Fortunately he already picked a place and her name was towards the top on the list. He finally got a call one morning. That was good timing as he was awake since 11:00 the night before. He got her down there and told her she was there for therapy. That’s what the nurse suggested.

She had fallen several times. She’s now* in a wheel chair with an alarm on her. Sometimes it really bothers me to see her there and not home. But I know she’s getting good care and there’s a nurse when she needs one.

Dad had a chill three weeks ago and his back bothered him. He went to the doctor then went for a CAT scan. The report came in mail with a prescription for antibiotic. He had infection in the gall stone. This last week he heard he had a tumor on his liver and has a large gall stone.

I’ve been thinking - Where is this going? Is there a message in this for me? Or what?  First Mom then Dad. I’m hoping and praying it’s not cancer.

Yes, I guess I’m questioning when I ask –Why Lord? Maybe it’s more testing. I’ve gone to him more now than ever before. Yes, I said throughout my story that the Lord’s been there for me. I meant what I said. Just sometimes I feel I have I have failed.** I should say I sense I failed. Then I have to ask Him to get me out of trap referring to mind battles and get back on the track for God in order for Him to use me.

• Jeanette will write a lot in the present tense now. Having given the events from her past, she wrote much of what follows as it happened.
• One of the features of these books is the unfolding story of Jeanette’s questions and how they resolved in her thinking.

Book One - The Potter and the Clay: 8

[November 15, 2010 - This book was begun in 2001. Today, nine years later, as we upload them for whoever might be encouraged by them, Jeanette is on the final lap of her battle with cancer. As of this posting she has begun experiencing bleeding and is unable to eat much more than limited quantities of clear liquid. As strength ebbs, she is pretty much confined to bed. Her sister, Dottie, is with her. Her spirits are good. She has had the opportunity to see what this blog looks like and she is gratified to think some of what she has written might be helpful in someone's life.

If you would like to COMMENT on her posts, please feel free to do so at the bottom of each post. These comments will be printed out and taken to her. If you would like to send a personal note you may do so by writing to jnelsonbbc@gmail.com. These come to our office and are delivered to her.]

 

Chapter Eight

MEMORIES

I had good times and good memories. I remember when Dad would take a day off and we would go off for the day. There would be times when it was rainy and we would go shopping.

Later on when I was working at the Murray Center I would get a week off for vacation. I would either go home or spend a week with Dottie. She lived in Pennsylvania then.

I remember Dottie telling Mom I could fly down. I was thinking – flying? Oh well! I can try that. I went down on a commuter plane. It wasn’t costly then and I got used to it. In fact: I have flown several times.

I heard a friend last week in church give praise for a wonderful sunset. She also mentioned about that shooting the evolution theory. I agreed with her.

I remember when I was working for this lady in Whitney Point. She and her cousin were going to her cousin’s nephew’s summer resort. It was the Oquada Lake Resort. This was in October. By the way! They asked me to come along. Trees were beautiful with fall colors. The lake was silvery blue.  I was thinking –Oh ! The creation of God. Only He could’ve done that. It was an awesome sight.

That made me think of bus trips I’ve been on since I retired. [Bus tours sponsored by the Empire State Fellowship of Regular Baptist Churches] I think I went on every trip but one or two with Shirley Knapp and another lady from our church. One trip took us to the Adirondacks for two-day conference. There were a lot of us at that time. The third day we went to Vermont. Talk about God’s handiwork. It was a beauty to see all the way to   Vermont.

I had a fantastic time when I went with Shirley on the train. I was to eat with Mom and Dad at five. I thought I would take a short nap. I slept forty-five minutes long-and-hard in my easy chair. That did it for sleeping – period! Shirley picked me up at 10:00 that night. Then Sally and her husband took us up to the train station. We got on the train at 1:02 in the morning. I told myself “I’ve got to get some zz”s now because when it gets to be later in the morning, I don’t want to miss anything.” I didn’t have to worry. I was wide awake all day. We finally headed for the west.

The train started up at 6:30 , maybe a little before. We were going for dinner an hour later. We had to go through 4 cars to get to the dining car. It seemed like the train was making up for lost time. When I got ready to go the second car, I looked down between those two cars.  I could see those things going up and down, back and forth. I said –“Oh! I can’t do this.” Shirley said “Yes!” I was going to hop over and hit that door.

Well I did. Then I thought about just going to the lounge. Then I said “No! I paid for this trip. I’m going all the way.”  I did and made it back to my sleeper. I went to visit Shirley in her sleeper. Then someone else was talking to her so I excused myself.

I asked the porter if he could make up my bed . He did and I took  one look at it and got ready for bed. My idea was to have my pillow on the window sill and look out as we were rolling along those tracks. That didn’t work though. So I slid my pillow and finally landed into a deep slumber. I didn’t wake up until 6:00 when I heard Shirley talk to the porter. By the way! I got very good, the rest of the trip, going back and forth through those cars.

We would go for early breakfast hour, then come to our sleeper. We would often visit in either Shirley’s or my sleeper. Aside from going for our meals, I’d be looking out my window and wonder what it was like back with early settlers traveling.

Dottie took her friend and me up to see the Grand Canyon. I was careful not to get to the edge. I enjoyed seeing what I wanted. Then I went into the gift shop. The Grand Canyon is a sight the camera couldn’t do for nor for the trip we took Sedona the next day.

I’ve been to lot of places, seen lot of things and gained a lot of friends. I thank God for letting Shirley be my traveling companion on the train and for Sally and her husband to took us up to meet the train.

I have a lot of memories to look back on. I thank my family and God.

Book One - The Potter and the Clay: 9

[Some people in the early days of Jeanette's journey.]

Chapter Nine

BLESSINGS

So, in regard to rough times, I’m thankful for my family. They have been great for support in every way. During times with cancer and now, I had questions then and now too. I’m not out of the woods yet but no one who has cancer is.

Then I told myself that if it did come back, Dr. Musa will do what he can and the Lord will be there for me and with me through it. I’ve been really impressed with Dr. Musa. He’s a man of action He doesn’t waste any time.  He may be a man of few words but he is good explaining things and answering questions. I thank God for sending me to Dr. Musa.

Pastor Comings has been there to see me in St. Jo’s, whenever and wherever I was in the hospital. He always gave me good verses which I still use. His messages are very good. He may not know it but the Lord is working in me in several areas.

My sister Barb and I have good long phone visits and visits coming back from Syracuse each time. We share concerns and good things. I also have good visits with Dottie too.

I have had good visits with Judy Comings. I have missed her coming around. I know she’s busy.  I’m praying for her and Pastor both daily

Thank God for Bob and Donna Harding. They came up to see me that Monday night after surgery. I still have that artificial plant. They came just at the right time.  I really appreciated their time they took to come up.

Sally Knapp and her husband came the next morning. I was pleasantly surprised to see them. I thank her for the talks we had on the phone and when we were together at that time and still appreciate those times. I thank her for all the cards and from others.

Sally has been very helpful. She also has given me a lot to think about. She also has been very encouraging.

My new team partner told me last night she and I would be team partners. That partner is Diane Watson. I had known her for a long time. She has always been very enthusiastic. She also has been very helpful to me when I was going through with the cancer bit.

My desire is to return the encouragement and uplifting a personal friend in prayer and encouragement. When they’re hurting, my heart goes out to them.

I have another couple who I hadn’t mentioned. That was Don and Eleanor Froh. They came up to see me in St. Joe’s. I wasn’t completely alert at the time. I do remember them being there and gave me a book which I have used. She had come several times here at home. I thank them both very much.

Then there’s Deidra who I had volunteered with for five years. We have been in touch yet. She has been very supportive too. She also was good to work for.  She’s going through some rough waters. I’m trying to be encouraging and supportive to her.

Then there’s friend I know in the volunteer office. She has always been helpful and encouraging too. She also was very good to work for in her office. I learned a lot from her.  That was Linda Harrison.

Book One - The Potter and the Clay: 11

Chapter 11

SURVIVING AND COPING

I remember four years ago when I first learned about the maintenance treatment. It was a new chemo treatment for survival. Dr. Musa wanted me to try it. I said I would go for that. That was in April 2002.

In August that year, I was going for another treatment. I asked my chemo nurse then when I would be starting the new treatment. She told me I already started on it in July. I wasn’t surprised. I already knew Dr. Musa didn’t waste any time. I was to have eight more of those treatments

I got to thinking more so lately, that if I aim to survive [and I do], I need to do some things to help myself. I need to take care of myself. Eating well can help tolerate side effects of chemo better and fight off infections more efficiently; to exercise to maintain proper weight and enough protein to build and repair muscles, vital organs  as well as skin and hair.

It’s important to have confidence in your therapy. I learned that if you go in not thinking you will be sick, you won’t be sick. It worked for me!  I also learned from reading that positive attitude helps me get wel l/ to maintain. That also worked for me before and now so far.

You have to have that along with, again, determination and will to fight or you’re done! I don’t intend to waste any of the efforts I have put in to fight this cancer.

A cousin of mine sent me a magazine four years ago  having to do with surviving and coping.  It brought things I need to deal with.  They were grief, shock, disbelief, and anger. Believe it or not! I had none of those. Diagnosed with cancer just confirmed what I thought.

I had said then and I say again – Others Have gone through it. I can, I did, and I can  this time too. Believe it or not! I just moved into a new life with more challenges and changes in thought process all this time.

In the last four years particularly, I’ve had many friends and new ones who were very encouraging and supportive. I’ve been challenged to take each day as day by day, focus on good things and not borrow trouble.

I read that selecting a treatment I’m confident in gives me positive attitude. However! I’m confident in Dr. Musa for treatments he puts me on. He knows much more than I do of what’s best for me. I trust his judgment. He has done well by me. I have no complaints for the way he’s taking care of my need in situation to cancer.

It was suggested in my chemo book to learn as much as I can about my cancer. It’s also suggested that I ask questions. I’ve done that for last four years. I believe all my doctors can vouch for that.

Since I’ve been on chemo since last fall, I’ve been on two different chemo treatments.  My ca-125  [cancer count] was going like  a yo-yo. Just recently, like two weeks ago, I was put on the third chemo treatment. That was on May 31^st. I also was told that I was to have another port put back into me because my count wasn’t coming back down.

I was asked if I wanted to wait until the next week. I said if I could, I’d like to start that day. Why wait? I did get the new chemo that day.

I also had my questions answered that day. My red and white blood [both] counts  were good. So were my kidneys, liver and pancreas which was a big relief to me. It also was reconfirmed to me again that once I was at stage three, I would always be at stage three. That’s just a stage below terminal stage four.

Being I will have a port put in and getting chemo three weeks in a row, I’ll be going for blood work three times on monthly basis. That’s to check for any blood clotting. The med in the chemo drug is also for nausea.  Therefore I don’t need Zofran for two days after chemo. This other one is working. I do have my nausea pills if needed.

I was told I would have tiredness. I did for sure! I didn’t do anything for four days. I felt pulled down. So I slept a lot. Lot of rest was recommended.

I received a call from St Joe’s Hospital. This lady was setting up an appointment with me for my port. I’m to be there by 7:30 if I can.

The next week I went for my second chemo. Ann had to do the ca-125 before doing my chemo. For some reason the lab didn’t do it.

The next day I got a call from Katie Hayes. She told me how much cortef I had to take. I have Adrenal Insufficiency. That was from results of a pituitary tumor removed back in ’81. Because of that, I have to double up or triple. That depends on whether I’m sick, teeth pulled, surgery done. So in this case, I had to take five before I go have the port done and five more cortef  when I got home.

I don’t know why I didn’t think to ask Ann or this lady from St Joe’s how to take it. Normally I have to eat or drink milk with my cortef to avoid stomach irritation. I was told I can eat being it will be four hours before I have port put in me. I’ll drink just enough milk to get my cortef down.

I arrived at St Joe’s at 7;15 and was taken upstairs at 7:30. After being all hooked up, ready to go, had a talk with this fellow from the Radiology, I was taken downstairs to a   holding room.

They put my port in. I was wide awake through the whole thing. The procedure was explained to me before I went down. They numbed my neck with sticks of a needle, then they were going to run a catheter through to a pocket where the port was going to be.

They talked with me through the whole thing. I think they did it, thinking I needed to keep my mind off it. Would you believe this? I asked a few questions [don’t remember them now ].  One doctor said- we welcome questions. They answered them.

I could feel pricks here and there as well as pressing and prodding. I told them I could handle what they had to do. Then they both spoke to me, telling me I did great. Well: I’ve been through it twice before so expected what would be going on. So why fuss!  

After that, I was told I needed an abcess which meant a syringe. I already had a needle put in when they did the port. Then I was taken back upstairs. And they gave me lunch.

In the meantime, my brother Jerry and Bonnie came right after I was taken downstairs. They waited in the waiting room until I came back up. I had two good nurses - one in each area. I was finally discharged at 12:45.

After I got home, when Jerry, Bonnie and Dad left, I stretched out on the sofa. I had taken my cortef when I got home then Tylenol at 2:30. So I dozed off.

They didn’t put on as many layers of bandaging as before. So I didn’t dare to stretch or do anything to mess things up.

I saw the port after I was done with chemo the next day. Ann showed me after she took the IV out. It’s on the same side as the first one was but over towards the shoulder. It’s beginning not to feel so sore now.

I found out that after I finished my twenty-one courses [I finished one already],  I will still have chemo until my count is down or until Dr. Musa is satisfied. That’s just like him to do that. He did before, four years ago or so. I had a strong instinct that he would do that again.

When I mention coping, I believe survival and coping goes hand in hand. With both, I believe it means taking care of yourself, positive thinking and faith in God. You have to eat well and exercising helps you to tolerate side effects, maintain proper weight, positive thinking/attitude.

For me knowing the Lord as my Savior, I can have faith in God. I have to say it didn’t come overnight. As each phase of life crossed my path, I have learned more so how to really leave uncertainties in Lord’s hands. That’s especially with uncertainties with reoccurrence of this cancer.

I believe he helped me be more optimistic than before, in spite of this cancer. He has also helped to maintain so far. There’s a reason for everything. I also have begun to realize that maybe God had a plan through this for me for some reason-perhaps to help some one else with cancer.

I really have no idea when my count will start coming down with the port in and the new chemo drug. When not expecting it to come down right away, it may be awhile; it’s easier for me to deal with that. I could drive myself nuts. Only the good Lord knows. So I’ll just continue on with chemo, doing cards, getting out when I’m up to it.

I plan on enjoying myself over the fourth of July weekend. Actually! I think I’ll have a week to spend with the rest of the family. I’ll have catching up to with some of the family, relaxing and helping when I can.

Book One - The Potter and the Clay: 10

This chapter was written in 2006. As of this posting (November 16, 2010), Jeanette is very close to the end of her battle. Those of us who have watched her over the past few years look back on what she says in this chapter and the next with a special poignancy. 

Chapter Ten

RACE AGAINST THE ODDS

It started last summer (c. 2005). First I fell at my sister Barb and Lew’s house in Weedsport. Most of us were camping in their backyard for the fourth of July weekend. I tripped over a tent stake. I didn’t have my sunglasses or my hat on to keep the sun out. So when I tripped, I fell flat on the ground.

I didn’t hurt until a few days later. Then I had horrendous pain in my back.  I could hardly move. I went to my medical doctor’s office. I was sent for an x-ray then was given a prescription. Within a week I was still in pain. I couldn’t do much of anything so I called my doctor’s office and was set up for physical therapy.

In the meantime, in August, I had an appointment with Dr. Musa, my cancer doctor.  First thing he asked me was if I had a problem. I said, “Yes - with my back.”  He checked me everywhere and did his routine examination. I was to go his office.

When my brother Jerry and I were in his office,  the doctor told me my cancer count went up. He was sending me for a CAT scan here in Cortland. He had one of his nurses set up an appointment for me. I was to see him the following week.

The following Monday after I got home from physical therapy, I had a message on my answering machine. I was to call them; which I did. Dr. Musa wanted me to go for another blood test. He wanted to make sure the first one wasn’t a fluke.  Dad took me over to the hospital to have my blood test done before we went to the nursing home.

I saw him two days later but no results of blood work yet. I was to call back on Friday. When I did call, Dr. Musa talked to me, telling me my cancer count went up again and that we needed to talk.

All this time I’ve been thinking. One thing for sure! Dr. Musa won’t let the problem slide by him.  He wants to be sure, then he doesn’t waste any time. That’s what I like about him as a doctor.  

When I went to see him the following week, that visit was just for consultation - I thought.  Then he asked afterwards, what I wanted to do. I said-with no hesitation, I’ll go with chemo.

Jerry asked him what he recommended. Dr. Musa said [ if I got it right]  sometimes cancer cells do not show up on the cat scan. They grow. Then he would have to get in there and dig. I said – “Let’s go then for the chemo.” [ I had decided that already if needed]. I knew there would be side effects for me to deal with after the chemo. That’s minor compared to having cancer going through me.

He picked up my folder and handed it to me.  He said, “Take this down to Ann and she’ll get you started.” He first looked at my arms, then said, “We can do it.

I was thinking - chemo, today? All right! The sooner the better! Jerry and Bonnie went with me on the elevator to the treatment room down stairs. Ann told me to take a seat and she would get me started. The treatment was to be three-and-a-half hours. That would be three bags – one at a time going through the IV in me with the chemo drug.

Jerry and Bonnie waited patiently until I was done. I think it was 12:00  or 12:30 when I got done.

I wasn’t having a very good time with my bowels. Then, of course, I forgot to take my Sennecott and I happened to think of it Saturday. I was thinking - no wonder! I better call Ann. I called her Monday morning.

She told me to take Phillips caplets and that I needed to do something that day. I finally had results, surprisingly. Then I went to the bathroom often. Each time I went, I felt weaker. The last time I went, I hoped I would make it back to the sofa. I didn’t.

I remember hitting the wall before I went down. On the way down, I pulled the emergency cord. I wasn’t aware of it. I got immediate help.

I came too for a bit but passed out again. The whole staff was there. They called 911. They were scared as they weren’t getting any response at first. Then I came too. I told them Dad had gone for a hair cut but I wasn’t sure where ,but Clara knew. So the Superintendent went down to get her.

My blood pressure was low. I went to the Emergency Room. I started vomiting after I got there, had my vital signs done and got all hooked up. The nurse asked if I wanted their chaplain. I said I wanted my pastor. He wasn’t available yet but his wife, Judy came. She was there when I got back from my CAT scan.

While she, Dad and Clara were there, I got a report saying I had an infection of the pancreas. I was thinking - Oh no! Not that problem too.

Judy stayed until I was taken up to ICU. By the way! My blood pressure came back up. Dad and Clara went up with me. That was around 9:00 I was given something for pain and to sleep. I was very uncomfortable before then with stomach and back. I had stopped vomiting.

My doctor’s daughter [also] his P.A. came in to see me the next morning.  I also was told it was the infection of the diverticulitis and not of the pancreas. I was very relieved to know that.

Pastor Comings came in to see me that afternoon. We talked for some time. Then he prayed, as he always does. Pastor and Judy have been to see me several different times.-when I was in the hospital. They, along with others, have been interested in updates to my cancer situation.

The next morning my doctor came in to say he was  moving me to another floor. I was to start getting up and moving around. I did just that!  I took a walk after each meal. I was there until Saturday morning.

I forgot to mention that Dad and Clara came every day, Eleanor Froh the next day after I was out of ICU, and Sally and her husband came in the afternoon. My brother Jerry and Bonnie, also my brother Bob had come.

Early Friday night when I came out of the bathroom, my friend Linda was there. Of course my doctor came in every morning and as usual, I had questions for him. I’m thankful for all the company I had. Not everyone is that fortunate. In fact, there are many that are alone.

When I was home, I started having a bleeding problem Sunday night and the next morning.  I called Ann, then went to my doctor’s P. A., then saw him as Katie Hayes then to Dr. Hayes as she recommended.

That’s what I like about my doctor and his daughter. When there’s a big problem they’re concerned about in regard to my cancer, they do call Dr. Musa’s office. I didn’t have any more problems with the bleeding.

A few weeks later I went back for my second chemo which was in October. This was on Wednesday. I was fine until Saturday morning. The chemo threw me like a loop. I felt weak and real fatigued. I was aching all over. I didn’t go anywhere but to my bed. I took it easy that day and even went to bed like 6:30 that night.  I was tired. I took it easy the next day also. The next chemo went fine.  

I found out in November that my cancer count had gone up again. Dr. Musa decided to put me on a new chemo drug for treatment.

This one wasn’t stronger, just worked differently and it did too. I started it in December. I told Dr. Musa I had everything ready for Christmas. Now I was ready to start the new treatment. Come to think of it, I would’ve started sooner if needed to. I believe he was glad to hear that.

In January this year, my count went to forty-five. In the meantime, I started a rash. I knew I couldn’t use any heat within the first five days after chemo. I didn’t realize once chemo is in you, it’s there until you go off it. Well, after five days, I used an electric mattress pad one night and I blossomed out good the next morning on my stomach and back. Then I broke out in other areas than I had ice bags for.

Along with that, I had the thrush/mouth sore. That went away, thankfully. I had to eat soft foods when I had that because it had been hard to swallow. With the rash, I felt like I was all skinned up.

I went back in February for next visit with Dr. Musa and another chemo. He had my chemo drug through the IV decreased and my chemo pills doubled. He had Ann set up an appointment for me for another CAT scan. That was to check on abdominal and pelvis area. Again the cancer cells didn’t show up on the CAT scan.

In spite of itching and soreness that kept me awake some nights, I won’t quit the chemo. The cool/lukewarm showers along with the Benadryl helped. It could’ve been lot worse.

In early March, I got a call from my brother Bob, Dr. Musa’s office called him as he was the one taking me up there. Dr. Musa was trying to find a drug for my rash. He needed two days to do it. So he wanted to see me Friday instead of Wednesday. Good news was that my cancer count was down.

When I went to see Dr. Musa, he said he was sending me to Dr. Morris the dermatologist for my rash. He had Ann set up an appointment for me. I was to see the one in Homer.

I went to see that doctor in Homer. He along with a nurse checked everywhere. I had a rash. He gave me a prescription and directions for how to use it. I was to see him in May.

In the meantime I had this bump on my head. Dr. Musa was watching that as well.  In April, my sister Dottie came down from Michigan to go with me for my treatment. Dr. Musa told me my count went up to 44.

He was sending me back to this doctor in Homer to take this thing off my head and send it away for biopsy.

When I was in his office, I asked him what my prognosis was and how much of a chance I have to fight this cancer. He couldn’t answer either question. When I stop to think of it, he couldn’t, not with the way my cancer count was going-like a yo-yo.  I appreciate his honesty.

I went back to the doctor on May first. He told me the rash was gone. I didn’t need to use the ointment. I’m to keep an eye out after each chemo. If any rash appears, then use the ointment.

Then he took this thing off my head. It felt like needles pricking. Then it stung rest of the day. I was given directions how to take care of it. It felt better the next day. That was on Monday. On Thursday, I got a phone call of the results. There is a growth but not cancerous. That was a big relief to me. I’m to see him in August. If I see another bump , I’m to call sooner. He may have to take more off.

I still don’t know where my cancer count is nor my cancer, prognosis, nor how much a chance I have to fight this cancer. That makes me more determined than ever before to fight this battle. It just may be a longer one this time.

I have many supporters including Dr. Musa, Ann, the girls in his office [they are a great bunch ]; as well as family and friends. Dr. Musa says to go day by day. He’s right.

When I stop to think of it, I could be mad, but why? There was and are no guarantees. My cancer can kick up a storm again and again. I told myself four years ago when I had it- others have gone through it! So can I! And I did!

I learned that once you have cancer, you always will have it. You never will be out of the woods. I’ll just go back on chemo each time as I have now. 

You have to have determination and the will to fight the battle of cancer. I’m not saying I’m enjoying this because I’m not. Even though when I get scared, I know I’m not alone. I can’t quit. I won’t quit. I believe it’s up to me to do my part and do everything I can to fight.

I hope to have Dr. Musa for my cancer doctor and his staff for a long time. But if and when he does retire,  I believe he will put me up with another good cancer doctor. I also believe that when there’s help, there’s hope.

Music can be helpful in lifting spirits. I have CD’S and tapes that I listen to a lot. That gives peace and tranquility.

When I get overly concerned, sometimes teary eyed then I’m reminded that God is in control. He makes no mistakes. He knows every inch of each path that I take. I have a tape with words and music to that song.

I’d like to urge and wish to encourage anyone else who has cancer not to give up. There is help out there. Chemo has come a long ways. There are also medications to take before and after to keep you from being sick.

I forgot to mention Ann. She’s my chemo nurse. I remember the first day I met her. She introduced herself to me. She said, “You must be Jeanette.” I said, “Yes,”  and asked how she knew. She remembered seeing me on the same floor where she was working at St. Joe’s Hospital. She also remembered all my drawings in the break/lounge area. I felt like drawing. I was given paper and crayons and I went to town drawing. She’s a good nurse. She’s very good getting the IV into my arm without hurting. She’s also good with answering questions. I hope she never leaves.

Book Two - Determination On Life's Road: 1

This chapter, being posted for the first time on November 17, 2010, begins Jeanette's second book (c. 2006). As we upload this chapter, Jeannette is in the final days of her nine-year journey with ovarian cancer. We hope her plain journaling will be motivational to any who take the opportunity to read it. 

Chapter One

WHAT'S NEW?

I heard a statement once. It was this. “There has to be a cloud before a rainbow.” That came to mind when I was first diagnosed with cancer. I had concerns and lots of questions then. I asked them too. I still have lots of questions but different ones now. I ask them too. Every time I see Dr. Musa, Dr. Hayes and my chemo nurse, I have questions for all of them.

Then I had a rainbow. I was in remission from August ‘03 to September ‘5^th. Again I had questions. That was because I had times with cancer counts going like a yo-yo, dealing with rash [which I had in more places than I had ice bags for]. Blood counts and platelets dropping down.

I often wondered how things would have been if I chose not to take chemo, gone for tests and etc. I’m glad I hadn’t had to find out. I would not have dared to have done all those things. I know one thing for sure!  Chemo was worth all that time because I’m still here. I also learned lately, more so that I need to take it easier before and after chemo. Dr. Musa is looking for lower numbers. As long as the caner counts are stabilized though, he’s not concerned yet.

I had a quiet restful day on my birthday. I received lot of cards. Dad had cooked

supper for Clara and I. About my birthday party? Most everyone was there at the

at the restaurant and at my brother Bob’s and Teresa’s in McGraw. I had a week off from the 6^th to the 14^th of November. So I spent that time with Jerry and Bonnie. That was a good week. I came home after I had my chemo the 15^th.

I had mentioned that when we’re first diagnosed with cancer, we have moved into a new life. We have a different one. Things aren’t the same. We have uncertainties with which we can learn how to deal with when they come along and things that pop around that we don’t expect.

I never thought about it before. However! I really become more appreciative of each day that God gives me. I also learned to depend on Him more for strength - physically and spiritually. There are days when I’m low on energy. That’s when I have to stop and relax for awhile.

Sometimes when another person has cancer, God puts us in that situation also to be of help and encouragement to that person. So if I can be of help in that area, then it’s worth it to go through with cancer besides just being there.

Book Two - Determination On Life's Road: 2

CHAPTER  2

ANSWERED   EXPLANATIONS

Like with brain tumors and epilepsy, same goes with cancer. Technology has come a long ways to help people live a longer and healthier life. There are, as I said before, many new meds and treatments out there. I for one am a twenty year survivor of a pituitary tumor removed and benign. The pituitary gland operates all other parts of your body. With that surgery, my system got out of whack. So when I get sick like vomiting, having a cold, having any kind of surgery or teeth pulled; I have to get my Cortef back into me immediately.  That’s because my electrolytes get out of kilter if I don’t.

Women with ovarian cancer may not have lived very long in the past. Now with treatments and meds, women can live longer. Again, I am a survivor of ovarian cancer for five years. If I need to, I will go back on chemo again and again. Research is going on and on to find new drugs, treatments, zeroing in other areas to help us cancer patients. I also have a very good cancer doctor who is also the chief oncologist and surgeon. He along with other oncologists are always working, attending seminars to be updated on new procedures.

Our doctors can’t help us if we [again] don’t do our part. I can’t stress that enough. We are to learn all we can, make a promise to ourselves by fighting our disease and working with our doctors. When I say I can deal with cancer and all that goes with it, I mean I can handle and accept it. Why deny that I have it? I do and know what to expect for most part. I’m thankful for these scan tests, CAT scans and blood work. They all have their way of telling us what’s going on. I’m also thankful for all my doctors keeping track of things and keeping me informed.

To deal with emotions which I have moments of? I can turn to the Lord to help as well. I have times of uncertainties of outcome of things. These are moments when I just write and share some positive thoughts with others. I just talked with my sister Barb on the phone tonight. We were discussing my first book. She has it already typed up. We were discussing the title, picture collage and writings about the author - me. I’m anxious to see my first book. My book won’t be in a store to sell. But that’s okay. I’m giving books to those who will really be interested in reading one. That’s good enough for me.

I went for my chemo the sixth of December. I saw Dr. Musa before I had chemo. He decided to send me for a CAT scan this coming Tuesday morning. If the CAT scan comes back negative, then he’s going to take me off the chemo for period of time. If that happens, my cancer count and my CBC’S [complete blood count] will be checked every two months. He asked me if that was okay and I said “yes.” In my mind, I had lot of questions. When I was by myself, I did lot of thinking. The more I thought, the more I became optimistic. It will work out either way.

I see Dr. Hayes tomorrow morning. I’m to see Dr El-Hassan Friday morning.  I told Dr. Musa I trust his judgment. I’m just afraid I didn’t sound so convincing as I was leaving his office.