Book Six - Through It All

CHAPTER ONE

DISCOVERIES

I had chemo today the 2^nd of April. There were only three of us having chemo at the time. I had already been in a chair for Ann to hook me up from my port to the chemo bag, with the nausea bag working through me. First of all, when Ann had the time she brought the results of the blood work to me. My cancer count had gone down again. It went from 81.1 to 69.7. That was good news. It must make Dr. Musa happy to know this chemo drug is working good.

I found out tonight, when I was talking to Dottie, that the med from the nausea med is even stronger than the chemo drug is. So it can really do a job on your bowels-more than the Gemzar. So as long as I’m on Gemzar and this other med, I have to stay on top to keep things going - taking this and that. It will be an ongoing battle I believe.

I told somebody today that chemo can work for you and against you. As long as the cancer count is coming down, I can handle the other one – along with things that pop up around the corner. I also learned something else. It has to do with the blood work. Bun and creatinine (sp ?) both have to do with kidneys. When I see Dr. Hassan next week, I’m going to ask him how.

While I was waiting for my brother Bob to pick me up, I was looking at pamphlets in the treatment room. Like I said before, we (the cancer patients) need to learn all we can. I was reading some of this one pamphlet and noticed few things and I was beginning to get some concerned. Then I thought to myself: Why should I? My cancer count is coming down, my blood counts are staying in the good range where they’re suppose to be.                  

Dr. Musa, Dr. Hassan and Dr. Hayes are keeping track of things and keeping me posted. I am sure that if there’s any big concern, they would tell me and do what they can. The Lord is also in control. I’ll just keep on keeping on. That means to never give up but keep on going. When I get befuddled or anxious, I just turn on the lap-top and start writing or work on a chapter [writing by hand] as I am now.

As I have also once said before, once you have cancer, you have moved into a new life with various challenges and unexpected surprises that pop up around the corner sometimes, and I will be in and out of remission for rest of my life. There will also be peaks and valleys in life. I’d say that those surprises that I just spoke of could fit in those peaks and valleys.

As long as I know all that, I can deal with all that. But I don’t have to deal with it alone. I have the Lord to help me through all this. I also have my family. They all have been very supportive and helpful. I do have lot of talks with the Lord at nights, sometimes even late in the night for as long as I can and need to.

I didn’t know what I was going to write on first when I started this next book. This pamphlet I was talking about, I’m going to ask Dr. Musa to explain. He’s good at that. That’s why I know I can talk to him.

         

CHAPTER TWO

NEW WRINKLE

Dr. Hayes told me back in February that there’s a possibility of a blockage on my right kidney. Dr. Hassan confirmed it today when I saw him. I was told that the blockage was a very small one. He would be keeping an eye on it. I was also told that he can do the stent in his office. That will be done on June 3^rd. That’s good because it falls between my chemo weeks.

I had an EKG back in March so I won’t need one this time. All I need is blood work done before then. He has resources with the anesthesiologist. There should be no reason why it won’t go okay.

CHAPTER THREE

FAVOR FOR US

I was reminded of Ruth in the Bible in the Old Testament. She had decided to stay with her mother in-law after her husband died. She was working in the fields to meet the needs for both herself and her mother in-law. She met this one man one day who was in charge of this field. He was awe struck and took a liking to her. He told her she could work in this field, have the same benefits as the other maidens. She bowed down before him then said – “Why have I found favor in your sight?”

As I said before, there is a reason for everything. When things come along and perhaps in my favor, I ask – sometimes – Why? God loves us and meets our needs and gives us other things even when we didn’t ask for this or that.

I believe he sends or gives us good things to offset the bad things. He knows when we need them the most. So in spite of cancer, left kidney not so good, small blockage on the right, and irregularities, etc, I have to remind myself of good things. That would be like blood counts belonging where they’re suppose to be and cancer count going down and maintaining my weight.

CHAPTER FOUR

NOW WHAT

Dr. Musa had me go on Miralax [after Dottie told him the problem] to get me going and keep me going. So far it has worked.

I had mentioned [again] about this one pamphlet I picked up early last month. I asked Ann [my chemo nurse] about it last week. In regard to the liver, that was back when I had surgery 6 years ago. But there was no cancer on that. Thank goodness for that! I was at stage 3 and it’s still going that way.

I had a chance to talk to Dr. Musa this morning in his office after my examination. I had some questions answered. One was to keep my appointment with this certain doctor Two was to just take the Miralax. Three, a tumor was causing the blockages, first on the left kidney then the right one.

I was concerned about the tumor but didn’t think to ask more about that. You can be sure I will ask him about that the next time I see him. It’s got to be a new tumor. I’ll have to keep reminding myself that the chemo will attack it. Both Dr. Musa and Dr. Hassan will keep an eye on it. I’m sure they will. Dr. Hassan had already checked the right kidney along with the left kidney back in March. He always sends a report to Dr. Musa.

One good thing is that my cancer count is staying stable. it went from 69.7 to 82. I have an idea that the count will stay around there – not going lower. As long as it’s still staying stable, that’s good news. My other counts are also staying where they’re supposed to be.

I’ll have to check with Ann in three weeks to see if she’s sending reports to Dr. Hayes. I thought maybe I would go to church tonight but I was feeling exhausted. I even headed for bed earlier than usual. I decided to write some more. I just felt like expressing myself. I normally would work on my lap-top but I’m getting low on ink so I can’t do a letter. I’ve got to get some more this wk-end. It helps when I write.                               

CHAPTER FIVE

AWESOME

I have told you before that cells are building blocks. Do you know where they come from? It all goes back to where God made them possible to grow from. It’s just like when He created the heave and the earth, and the universe with the sun, moon and all the stars. He made all things to work just the way they’re suppose to be and, doing that, He made us, and He had a plan for each and every one of us.

So in regard to that, He will look after us and watch over us. He won’t always change situations but will go with us through each one and give us the strength to keep going. He also won’t give us more than we can handle. Can you think of anyone else who can be with everybody, everywhere at all times? Who else can hold this universe in place, make it rain, or the sun to shine? Who can give life for us – eternal life? Who will be always forgiving, loving caring and perfect? No one but Lord Himself. We all make mistakes. He doesn’t. He knows that but still loves us.

It was 20 some years ago after I had my first big surgery, that I was told I shouldn’t have any more surgeries. I never found why not. However! This last big surgery was necessary to save my life. I was filled up with 15 liters of fluid. If I didn’t have it, I could’ve drowned in my fluid. Thanks for today’s latest technology and meds along with a specialist, I came through this surgery. There’s a reason for everything. It can boggle our minds when we think of this or that in regard to health concerns and things that cross our paths. Sometimes though a miracle comes forth.

CHAPTER SIX

ANSWERS

                              

I had a appointment with this one Dr. today – the 20^th of May. Thankfully my sister Dottie was with me. Do you ever have a time when you think you understand what you were told then maybe later not be sure you did understand? I did that night. Dottie was staying with Dad that night, since she would be taking me to Syracuse the next day. She came up that night to borrow my small coffee pot for the next morning. I had her explain few things to me. Now I understand more than I did before. I also had a few answers in regard to the tumors.

Now I hope to get a few more answers when I see Dr. Musa – answers that will pertain to decision making of what to do. I think I will be on the same chemo drug yet as it is working. The way I understand it being explained to me is this. As long as my count is going down, it will decrease the tumor. When or if the count goes up real high, then I’m in trouble. I will stay on the chemo until Dr. Musa decides different. I’m just thankful that there’s something that works to keep me going.

So when I start to be afraid, I remind myself that I have good doctors’ keeping eyes on my situation and have the Lord with me. I remember when I was in the hospital here in Cortland back in February. Dr. Hayes came in to see me the next day which was on Sunday. After I got through telling him what was going on, He said, “Another chapter to write.” I said, “Yes, I think so.” I wrote three more chapters since then.

Yesterday, my sister had made it here and was down to Dad’s. I went down there after I had lunch. We got to talking. She asked if I was willing to go for a hearing test. I finally said yes.  She called the office on Church Street and talked with the audiologist. I had a appointment for the next afternoon. The three of us talked, then she gave a hearing test then we talked some more.

I found out I have hearing loss in inner ear of both ears. I still can hear. I just have some problems at different times. I was told that a hearing aid was recommended for both ears. I found out I will have to really discipline myself with saving money. I can do it and I will. That’s just another peak in the valley. I’ll just learn more in how to deal with that. Dottie and I worked on a budget that night.

CHAPTER SEVEN

A NEW BRIDGE

I was given a few pamphlets and a book on hearing aids. I was thinking – Here’s something more to learn. Just think! I get more education free of charge with that book with the hearing aid – learning to go with it and other things. Of course I had to start reading that book. There are numerous things to know. I’m just glad I don’t have to remember them all.

Here are just some things that came to mind. For one! Hearing loss is a physical condition in your ear. I told this lady that I sit just 2/3 seats back from where my Pastor stands so to hear him well. She said that was a good idea.  Hearing is internalizing how we process the issues surrounding our situations.

There are a lot of bridges to healing. One is a bridge to hearing. With most people, there are emotions in dealing with that. For some, it could be the fact of missing out on lot of things like communications with other people. It doesn’t have to be that way though. There is help in that area as well as other areas. Technology has come a long way with hearing aids.

I remember when I first saw one. It had a long tube hanging down from the hearing aid. It seemed like it would be in the way. Now they come out with wireless, stereophonic hearing aids, in fact! They hardly can be seen. We have a choice. We can either go without one and have a problem of hearing or we can go with a hearing aid and hear better. We can go with isolation, avoidance, anxiety, social phobias, depression, and other problems or we can benefit from the technology. I chose to go with the hearing aid. After I got mine, I wondered what people would think. Then I decided that if they didn’t like to look at it, they could look the other way. My family supported me in that area. Any accomplishments I had were done with God’s help. With pride in that area, well; all I can say is that I’m glad I have a hearing aid to help me hear better.

One audiologist asked me if I wear my hearing aid every day – all day. I assured her that I did for a few reasons. First – they’re too costly to just leave in the drawer. Next -  it won’t help me if I don’t wear the hearing aid. I remember the first night we had our Ladies Bible Study. I could barely hear the video. I couldn’t hear those who spoke in soft voices. I wished I had my hearing aid that night. After I got my hearing aid, I discovered how much better it was.      

CHAPTER EIGHT

INTRODUCING EPOQ

                     

Epoq is simply the most advanced hearing system in the world. It is recognized for its ongoing innovation in design and engineering, introducing many of the most pioneering advances in hearing science. This heritage takes a giant leap forward with Epoq’s ground breaking wireless technology, bringing us a hearing system that is nothing less than the most developed. This Epoq works stereo like whether we listen or speak, Epoq knows the difference.

It is designed to help us enjoy the natural fidelity of all voices and sounds. Oticon/Epoq was founded by Hans Demant in 1904. He was driven by a profound wish to help his hard of hearing wife and others with similar problems. Inspired by this humane philosophy, his son William Demant later created the Oticon Foundation in 1957. That sponsors research projects and organizations supporting the hard of hearing people. It was founded on care.     

Today, Oticon /Epoq has the philosophy of people first, focusing on people-not just on ears. They have professionals with good advice and service. I’ve been going back there for the last month or so for follow up [which was recommended after I got my hearing aid]. I already discovered a difference more so than before. These girls help with answering questions and giving suggestions. They also reprogram my hearing aid – tuning it if needed to hear better. The batteries and office visits are included in the cost of the hearing aid.

I also was given few books. Of course, I read them, probably will read them again in case I missed something the 1^st time around. I also did some research with these books. I may do some more later. As with cancer, I aim to learn all I can with my hearing aid. I most likely will need the 2^nd one down the road. Also, as with cancer, I have moved onto more challenges with my loss of hearing in inner ear of both ears. I have learned that sound travels thru the ear, something I hadn’t heard before.                 

On two different pages of this one book, there is a hearing tests/profile. If I understand this correctly, mine falls in range of 70-90. I need to check out about this when I go again next week. I also was told I should go for awhile longer yet. I don’t see the same person every time.            

So now that Oticon/Epoq has come our way to help, shouldn’t we take the benefit of that help with the hearing aid? I would say absolutely! I know I will. I also think that’s another part the Lord has worked through. I believe it was his will to bring resources to help with the hearing loss many of us  have. He’s met my needs.       He’s met my needs.      

CHAPTER 9

TRAVELING LIGHT

          I told my sister Dottie few days ago that each chapter is different. However! Some things are worth being repeated. I have also said before that positive thinking and optimistic views work together. They worked for me and still are. I’m reading a book called “Traveling Light” In it, it talks about luggage of life. Many people are carrying unnecessary baggage of life with them on a trip. They are worries and wants. There’s also a jungle out there consisting with crime of all kinds and scams along with other cares of the world. So far I’ve had good reminders-just reading the book so far.

          I have had one thing after another come my way in last six and half years. I didn’t have to go through them alone though. I had family, friends and the Lord with me. Getting back to the tumors, this one doctor explained the situation to us. He then gave us three options. We told him we wanted to talk to Dr. Musa first. We didn’t get to talk to Dr. Musa the next day so told Ann my chemo nurse. She then called him and he called Dr. Shym.                     

          Dr. Musa got the scoop from this Dr. So when I had the next visit with him, He told me he was sending me for a cat scan. Ann had made the appointment for the next week. After I had the cat scan, I heard from Ann a few days later. The next week I saw Dr. Musa. There were no tumors on the cat scan. I did need some cleaning out though. The Gemzar has had a effect on my regularities. There was a back up. That was what caused horrendous pain in stomach and back both. It also made me few trips to the hospital.              

          Being there was no tumors, Dr. Musa decided to take me off the chemo. I went off them after the last two chemo treatments. I was to be off them for two months. Then I see Dr. Musa the 27^th of August. Depending on the blood work and cancer count, that will determine whether I stay off the chemo or go back on it. When things seem to be going slow or not moving, it’s the lord working all things for good. In this case, I’d like to think He removed these tumors and that’s why they didn’t show up on the cat scan. I’ve known of few incidents where that has happened before.                       

          Here’s just a few tidbits to share with you. Just recently like back in June, I was watching a graduation on television. I listen to get few ideas sometimes to do my stories. This one speaker spoke of one thing I have heard and known. Never say we can’t when we can say we can. However! I have learned some things are just out of my league. I learned that what some people can do is not meant for me, meaning I’m not cut out for this or that. I believe Lord gave me different abilities/gifts in manner of speaking.

          She was also inspiring student graduates to go out with a goal in mind, then follow through with a plan to work with. Well! With whatever I set out to do, I set a goal then work with what I have then go with it. That’s with my stories, books I’m working on, cards. Things may not always work out as you plan the first time around. You just keep going. I don’t feel I can quit or I would never get anything done. That’s even when things get frustrating at times.

CHAPTER 10

DOWN MEMORY’S LANE

          As I said before, our family would take a trip for one day. Dad was his own boss. He took over Grandpa Nelson’s farm after Grandpa Nelson had his first stroke. He worked hard every day-all day. So sometimes he would take a day off, maybe for overnight sometimes. This onetime, we all were going to Pennsylvania to visit this one family. There was Jerry, Dottie, Barb and I. Barb was only maybe ¾ years old. She was in the front seat with Mom and Dad.

          When we got, I say, halfway there; we ran into flooding. We weren’t actually in the flooding. Every time one of us kids in the back seat would speak about how much water was there, Barb would raise her head up. Mom would tell us to be quiet so she could get Barb to sleep. Then we saw one bridge that wasn’t passable. Dad had to stop and call this couple to say we couldn’t make it. They urged us to come on ahead. Dad was told how to detour away from the flooding. We went across another bridge. That one had no sides. I didn’t like that one. We made it there.

          After we got there, they took us to see some sights of flooding. I stood back. We stayed overnight and left early the next afternoon. Dad had this one couple stay at our house { I think} so the husband could do the chores. Mom got sick on one way and Jerry when we were going the other way. That was back in the mid 50’s. Then 7/8 years later when Bob was a baby, we went to Catskills Game Farm. It was a very hot day for us and for the animals we saw. I remember one giraffe was trying to reach over in the shade to get cool.

          Few years later when Barb was few years younger, she went Dottie and I when we went with The Pastor and his family. We went to the Catskill Game Farm. That day we were gone all day. I think we all enjoyed ourselves.

          When I was working at the Murray Center, I got acquainted with two other girls. At that time, The shop let out at 2:30-that is us employees could leave. At that time, where the K-Mart is now, There were lot of stores. That’s what I call a mall. We had Grants along with a restaurant, Drugstore, Hallmark Store, Pizza Place, Barber Shop, couple of clothing stores and of course Chapples.

          The three of us girls would split the cab fare and go over to the mall. We would shop first, take a break to quench our thirst at this snack bar then go back to shopping. At 5, we would stop and have our supper in the Grant’s Restaurant. Then we shopped some more. We would leave at 8. We did this for few years. Then this one girl got a job working outside the shop-somewhere else. She was able to live at home. This other girl and I still got together at times.

          Back in late 7o’s, when I would have a week’s vacation, I would either spend it at home with Mom and dad. Sometimes I would spend a week with Dottie. That was when she lived in Pa. We  went to interesting places. One time we were going to a place known with Tom Sawyer. We never got there though. On our way, we saw these two doll museums. We stopped and got out. We spent our time in there.

          At that time, we had our names which we have drawn already for Christmas. I had my sister in-law-Bonnie’s name. After looking at all these dolls,  we went towards the front of the 2^nd store. It was there that we saw this miniature black stove that said Bonnie’s Glow on the door. I decided to get it along with few other minature pieces. She still has them on her desk.

          My very first bus trip that I took was with a friend from back home. We had grown up together and went to school together. We also went to same church. We went to Upper Canada Village. It was a day trip. It was a cold damp  day. We took a tour around the village. Before it was time to leave, we had a chance to go in the gift shop. I picked up a book, expecting to read it when I got on the bus. When I was ready to read it, I discovered that it all was in French. I ended up giving it to someone who could read French.

          Back in mid 90’s, I went on a bus trip with Shirley to Washington DC.  We missed the cherry blossoms. We went on lot of tours. They were very interesting and educational. Then in October, that year, went to out mission’s head quarters, We also did some other places. I remember going to the Hershey chocolate factory and store. I never saw so much candy in all my life. Some of it wasn’t even chocolate. We also toured the Pennsylvania Capitol and General Assembly Then we went to out seminary. I believe I brought home 8 books on that trip. We were given 20% off on whatever we bought.

          I’ve been in Maryland, where we saw the science building and the marina. In Connecticut, we went to see the harbor. I saw alive crabs and other critters. They didn’t look so good to me. Thankfully they were in the water. We also had  a tour through the whole submarine. We were given a phone to listen to as our guide. I had that in one hand and hanging on the railing. I made it through the whole thing-even port holes.

          We’ve also been in Cape May [ twice for me] and saw quaint houses and museum houses, cruised the Racquette Lake on a boat in Adirondacks.

I couldn’t tell you where all I’ve been. I’ve done all this mostly after I retired. I have good memories. I’m glad I was able to do them then. Then back ¾ years ago, My nephew in Virginia Beach was getting married. I had an opportunity to go with Jerry and Bonnie to Kevin’s and Maria’s wedding.

          She decided she wanted a Hawaiian wedding. I think they had everything but the girls with the hulu. The wedding was at time of the sunrise. That made a perfect picture with the sunrise reflecting on her and the ocean behind them. It was a fairly good day. It was little on the cool side. I think we all helped with decorating the tables. Kevin and Maria had rented this one beach house for us to stay in. There were lot of  guest rooms besides the other rooms.

          Few days before that, Jerry, Bonnie and I walked the beach for awhile. Then went to the gift shop. I wished I had bought myself a sweatshirt but I didn’t think of until it was too late. After that, We had lunch then went shopping for a bike for Bonnie. Actually that was a full week. It was a good trip going down and coming back.

          For anyone meaning me who doesn’t drive, I’ve been around-going here and there-some way or another with family or on bus trips, even by train and plane. I’ve been to lot of other places also. I never went alone by myself on a trip. It was more fun going with other people-family and friends.

          I thought I would share some of my traveling experiences with you. This is like an intermission. I’m waiting for news which I’ll have when I see Dr. Musa. I see him the 27^th of this month-of Aug. That’s  when He’ll tell me what will be going on-depending on blood work. Until then, I will say so long. Look for the next book#7.