We now enter the era, in Jeanette's recollections, when the shadow of the cancer began to deepen. As I edit her writing I find simple statements stand out and give me a heads-up when it comes to what goes on in the mind and spirit of someone fighting this battle. I hope her openness will be helpful to you as well.
BOOK FOUR
PERSEVERANCE
CHAPTER 1
PERSEVERANCE
CHAPTER 1
REFLECTING BACK
I did get to spend a week with Jerry and Bonnie finally. I was with them back in August after I had my 2nd chemo. It was a relaxing time. I got to see my two grand nephews, niece and her husband.
I also had a chance to get my hair cut, then Bonnie and I met with her friends at this new cafe. After that, she and I went shopping. I bought two tops, short sleeve shirt and three pairs of jeans all at the label shop. Then we went to the Dollar Store.
Remember me mentioning how I wanted to decorate for Christmas? I won’t get all the dolls I intended to stand around the tree. I have a few ideas about the other dolls.
There were times when I asked -Why? That was when I was concerned about my brother Bob and one brother in-law. Bob was having a problem with the back of his neck. My one brother in-law has cancer of the bladder. He was fortunate. He only had nine chemo treatments to do. I have to remind myself sometimes that our bodies give under -We get sick. Of course if we do partake of things that aren’t good for us then we’re in trouble. Otherwise, like us cancer patients, there is help out there for us.
There are a lot of changes. I learned that with continuous changes, you need to learn to adapt to it - period. I’d like to reflect on some. Our family is scattered all over. We don’t always get to see each other like at holiday times like we use to. We do keep in touch though on the phone. That’s for those of us are closer-here. We get together at Bob’s and Teresa’s for Christmas. We get together for the 4th of July every year
I can remember a few times when Mom, Bonnie and I would go shopping the day after Thanksgiving day for Christmas. Sometimes Barb was able to join us for that event. Then after that, Mom, Dad, Phil and I went shopping after dinner.
I can remember my first year in my apartment. I had bought a small tree for Christmas to decorate. Mom had given me some ornaments. I’d decorate after Thanksgiving. I’ve been doing that for 27 years and I reckon I’ll keep right on doing it. I also would play Christmas music while doing so.
CHAPTER 2
DEALING WITH THINGS
I went for my chemo today, the 17th of October. I also had an appointment with Dr. Musa. I had several questions answered.
My cancer count didn’t go down again. It went up instead to 136. So here we go with the yo-yo referring, to my to my cancer count. He wasn’t concerned yet. I think he may have expected it to go back up. I’m sure if it keeps going up, then he’ll do something about it.
I found out when I first went on this chemo drug, that it could give me trouble in sleeping. It did at times. Sometimes I would just be wide awake. Then I’d take Benadryl. That didn’t always work as soon as I expected it to.
Then I would have horrendous leg cramps. I have finally gotten rid of the horrible back and stomach cramps, at least for now. Dr. Musa said he would look into that. I’m sure he will. Today though, he gave me a prescription for a mild dose for sleeping. I’m only to take them as needed.
A thought was brought to mind about the colonoscopy, so I asked him when I saw him again. He said - not at this stage. I should’ve thought to ask him what he meant. You can be sure I will the next time I see him in four weeks.
I had often wondered if the chemo is even working where we don’t know the cancer is for sure. Each time I had a CAT-scan for that, the cancer cells were too small to show up on the CAT-scan. I asked him about that too. He told me again, that if I hadn’t been on chemo all this time, I wouldn’t be here.
Again he confirmed my determination to stay with it. That’s why I titled this book as “PERSEVERANCE - meaning to stay with it, keep going, to continue on. I aim to continue on with everything in spite of difficulties which could pop up around the corner. Besides! If I quit now, I not only waste all my efforts I have put in to fight this battle. but I would not be able to continue on with my cards, books, stories &etc.
CHAPTER 3
REASONS UNKNOWN
I went for my bone density this morning. I should hear soon of the results. Then in the afternoon I went to see Dr. EL-Hassan. He ran this scan over both my kidneys. My left kidney is not any worse but still at 8%. I didn’t think to ask him why. I was just glad it stayed the same. I’ll have the stent done in December.
We had a meeting downstairs yesterday morning the 23rd. It had to do with Prescription Programs. I may have to change mine. I’ll find out soon. A question was brought to mind tonight
I don’t know why I let some things bother me. Guess it’s because I don’t have always have an answer, also for the way it was it came out to me. When some things bother me in a big way big time - I leave, bury myself in whatever I’m working on, whether it’s writing on lap-top or talking to someone else about something else. As it was, I first talked to a friend for most an hour, then started writing after I got in bed. That helps to erase my mind from any troubled thoughts. Like I told a friend tonight, “I can handle or deal with any health issue-particularly with cancer.” It’s other things I have to work with. I keep working at them until I’m satisfied or I may put them on back burner for awhile until I get an answer.
Tomorrow I have copies to make and few books to put together. Then I want to do my other stories [on the lap-top ] that I have done recently. Thank goodness that I decided to do short stories. I have lot of them to do, then to get ready for Christmas.
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